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The Return

I finally got my site back up and running. It is in it’s early stages of development because I had to start over from scratch. I am working on recovering some of my old posts, but more than likely I lost all of my content from the past 5 years. I am very sad, and a little more poor because of it, but I know the Lord can work this out for the best.

Since I last wrote in February of this year, things have continued to improve in my health. Sometimes I look back and remember everything the Lord has brought me through and I am astounded that I am still alive. In March 2015 I was thrown for a loop on the week of my 26th birthday when I was debilitated by an unknown illness. I couldn’t eat without extreme pain and stomach swelling. I couldn’t walk because I would have horrible migraines and leg swelling. I was completely bed-ridden, when it was finally discovered after a week of hospital testing, that I had celiac disease. I went home thinking that eating gluten free was no big deal, only to shortly return back to the hospital after I had my first seizure. I had several seizures over the next few days and was finally released again after it had been ruled out that the seizures were non-epileptic  and were believed to have been brought on by the stress of the disease. I went home weak, shaky and 15 lbs lighter than before. I was able to eat less and less without setting off symptoms or seizures, even getting down to eating only 100 calories a day and reaching a low of 80 lbs. I felt quite literally like the walking dead, and it was discovered in October 2016 that the dead feeling was being exaberated by lyme disease. But everything I tried and every doctor I saw was not able to bring the healing I was looking for. After roughly 16 months from being first diagnosed of celiac disease, the Lord providentially led us to functional medicine doctor who did extensive testing and put me on a strict diet and supplement routine. I slowly began to see improvements and here I am 9 months later from when I started with that doctor and I never imagined that I could have my health back like I do now.

My celiac disease will still take some time to heal, due to the nature of the type of celiac I have, but all of my symptoms that plagued me for so long are gone. There are limitations in diet that I will accept for life: no grain, no dairy, and a primarily pescatarian diet. My sensitivity level to gluten will always be the same and I will have to practice constant viligence to take care not to be exposed and reactivate my celiac disease. But when I look back and see where I was, I thank God today for the taste of food. I thank God for no more painful seizures. I thank God for full-time motherhood again. I thank God for exercise. I thank God for new life and a new baby on the way. I thank God for the immense mercy and patient love he had toward the stretching of my faith.

The physical things I endured were extremely hard, but the testing of my faith was even harder. It’s so very difficult to wait on God in the midst of extreme pain, loss and hunger. It was a daily battle, of fighting tooth and nail to remember the promises of God and stake all my hope in the validity of His word and His revealed character.

One thing that has stood out to me the most throughout all I have gone through the past couple of years and what He has been impressing upon my heart recently, is faithful endurance. 

I often want to make the Christian life a cinch and a pinch, a 5k instead of an ultra, a 5 piece puzzle, instead of a massive 1,000 piece but that is not how God works, and I am thankful for that. God displays great patience and incredible wisdom in allowing us to learn things slowly. Children don’t learn how to ride a bike on their own overnight. It takes many fallings and risings, many encouraging words and lots of consistent practice. We grow through consistent, enduring hard work. Yes we have times of rest, because we are human; we all need it. But Christian faith is welded under the precise and repeated hammering of the anvil to the metal that is still glowing from the flames it just endured.

As I return to writing, to health, to wifey-hood, motherhood, discipleship, I am looking to be consistent. The Lord has taught me and is still teaching me to know my purpose, know my calling, know my giftedness and serve in those few capacities faithfully and with all my effort. I used to be the girl who had to have her fingers (and sometimes her toes, mouth and everything else), in as many cookie jars at once, because I was too afraid of missing out and being not “enough.” The result was burnout, fatigue and always ending the day feeling like I came up short.

So if you ever feel like you aren’t doing “enough”, remember your purpose and your calling. Are you a disciple? Are you a wife? Are you a mother? A friend or a daughter? Are you gifted spiritually? Then examine your life and ask the Lord where He wants you to be and how He wants you to be used.Know your calling and serve in those few areas. Work faithfully, excellently, and enduringly. Keep going even when you think you’re not making a difference for the kingdom, or things feel mundane or a never-ending groundhog day. God is a God of endurance. Those breakthroughs will come and you will look back and praise Him all the more for allowing you to endure and not give up.

Here’s to the faithful, enduring return.

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